Archive for November, 2006

It Works!

Well looky there it is now working. It only took a few days. Those blogger bone heads. I highly recommend that you DO NOT convert your blog until they have the bugs worked out of the monster!

I moved home to www.my-meadow.com and gave up on blogger when it ate my blog, but I was trying to post to rattie-pooh and low and behold I signed in at it worked!

What up wid dat!

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There’s no place like home

I really want to go back to my home at my-meadow. I feel like a fugative, posting here so my soon to be ex can’t read any secrets of my new life, so I don’t have to worry about being spied on. I don’t know why I should care, but I do. I know he was there once upon a time, but I don’t know if he followed me or even cares to. I guess I am just a bit paranoid.

Sometimes I wonder if my life could have been any different if I did things differently. It just seems as if I have experienced more than my fair share of crap. Notice I used the word fair. Probably nothing is really fair about sadness and tragedy. There is no more normal here, just day to day, whats next? Right now I look forward to having no IV and no wires sticking out of the finger so I can do really easy things like cook, wash dishes and shower without swathing my body in plastic wrap. I have always said little things make me happy, I’ll bet no one realized how little those things were.

God I pray that things don’t get worse. Because I know that they can.

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Day of the Dead

Tomorrow it will be 8 months since Natalie died. She dies in my arms, and the arms of her friends and sister and brother. There was music playing, her favorites, but for the life of me I can’t recall the song. It was probably Dave Matthews. I didn’t cry, I didn’t want her to worry that something was wrong. I only cry when there is something wrong. Dying isn’t wrong.

I remember what she was wearing, Candice picked it out. A purple skirt and a yellow tank top with sequins on it; we brushed her hair after they took off all the life support tubes and needles, so she wouldn’t look so sick. I would have washed it if I thought there would be time; she was such a fanatic about clean hair. We wanted her to look like an angel as she became one. But it wasn’t long before she turned grey, as the life drained from her body, as her little lungs could no longer sustain the movement of the precious oxygen that is the giver of life. I wish she was pink, she would have looked better but, that is not the color of death.

I don’t remember what the weather was like that day. We all went to sushi after she died; some macabre gesture that everyone except me thought would be what Nat wanted. I just wanted to go home and get drunk. But I did sushi and sake, and for the sake of the kids tried to act like it was the right thing to do. It was stupid because Nat wasn’t there eating it with us.

Tomorrow is Dia de las Muertes; the day that the dead is honored.

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