I can’t go into a lot of detail right now I am really exhausted, but if you read Daisy blog I sorta explained it. Sprocket is very sick. I will post more when I get the test results.
Archive for September, 2008
Ok so this is probably the most important (to me) post I have written in a very long time. Some of you are gong to say that I am nuts, but just listen for a minute. I am not sure how much about Bear I have written here in my blog, Bear was my hearthound. She was everything to me and she went to the Rainbow Bridge 7 years ago today. I remember the day so vividly, like it was yesterday. But that is a whole other post. Bear is the reason I started blogging, in October of 2001.
I have dreamt about Bear since she died, but over the last year or so I have had several dreams about Bear, and sometimes in my dreams she hugs me. Not like a human hug. She would put her head on my shoulder and nuzzle, then relax her whole body into me so it was like a hug. It was very comforting even in my dreams.
Today I was especially sad, even though I have dubbed today Daisy’s birthday. For a couple reasons, to honor Bear, and so that I would always remember her birthday, she was born around this time 2 years ago. So I was feeling melancholy.
I got home tonight and had my regular routine. I usually play ball with Daisy for 20 minutes or so, she loves it good exercise, and then made the dogs dinner, I had leftover Tri-Tip in the fridge from a weekend BBQ so Daisy got some on her kibble.
After dinner sometimes we play some more ball or go for a walk. I have not been walking the dogs because of the cast on my arm, so more ball. Except tonight was different, I threw the ball a couple times, and I started to think about Bear. I love my dogs, but Bear was almost human (as one of my good friends tells me). In any case Daisy dropped the ball from her mouth and stood there, I wasn’t sure why she wasn’t panting there was not other dogs barking in the neighborhood. So I called to her to get her “ball ball”.
She pranced over to me without the ball. I throw the ball for her from the patio level, it is about 5 steps up to the yard level. So the half wall I throw from is about 3 feet high, or so. So when she comes over to me at the half wall we are basically face to face. I am wondering what is going on because she has never done this, and always brings the ball drops it and waits for the throw. But there she is face to face, as close as she can get and then suddenly just rests her head on my shoulder and nuzzles me, and rests into me and then hugs me. I think this is a fluke, and asks her about her ball. She stays with me, licking my face nuzzling my neck and hugging me. This goes on for several minutes until I step back, then she comes down the stairs into the house.
So what happened? Did she sense my sadness and come to me, was angel Bear there, are my angels just taking care of me, or and I certifiable. For some reason I think everything is gonna be ok now.
This past week was one of those I would rather just forget about. I had a bad time with life. For some reason I was very depressed, and feeling sorry for myself once again. I guess I am over it now. It all stems from the being married, not having a husband thing once again. I overhead one of the guys I work with talking (fondly) about his wife, for some reason that set me off. I started to think about how I “used to” be a wife. How I “used to” have a husband, the man who I said that I would stand by for all eternity, in sickness and health till death do us part? Ya right.
I started to think, what the hell happened. How could you make those promises and just leave. How could it all go to pieces? How could you walk away with a sick kid? Well suffice to say it did and here I am, husbandless. I hate it.
I suppose it’s the worst in the evenings after work, no one to talk to, yak about the latest political news, go for a walk with, etc. See I am getting myself all worked up again. I have a good relationship with D but for some reason it is just not the same. Prolly sleeping alone, and waking up alone has something to do with it. Don’t get me wrong I do like my alone time, but not all the time.
Maybe having this damn cast on my arm still is making me grumpy.
If you want something to laugh at, Daisy has become the ultimate “Hockey Mom” !!! If you haven’t seen her site, here she is!
Not to get political on this blog, as I love you guys regardless of your politics. But that being said I do have to post this. It was a comment on a political blog I read written by someone who lives in Alaska. I thought it to be quite observant.
“Jesus was a Community Organizer, and Pontias Pilate was a Governor.”