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Archive for December, 2008

Yesterday

Yesterday was moms funeral mass, it was at a very small chapel and the priest who is very close to my uncle, I know him also, said mass.  It was very nice.  There were more people than I thought, perhaps 30.  Originally it was only going to be a hand full, because that is what mom would have wanted just us.  But my uncle started calling relatives, and all that side of the family, many of moms cousins came.  Although she hardly talked to or saw these people they were their to honor her. It was nice.

Last night I had a very strange dream. I dreamt I went to see my dad, he died in 1986 at the age of 55.  I went to his house in Pasadena to tell him mom had died, they had divorced in 1965.  I told him that the funeral was yesterday but we had not buried her yet, he said he would like to come to the cemetery with me, and he wishes I would have let him know about the funeral and he would have come. 

It was strange.  I am not sure of the meaning of the whole thing, maybe he is trying to tell me he is there for me now, since he really wasn’t there for me much when he was alive.  And thats another story and another post.

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Why?

My  mom died. She was 73.  I got a call Friday afternoon from the neighbors that she had not picked up her mail for a couple days.  So I went over and because we couldn’t get the sheriffs to respond to our 911 calls we broke in.  She had fallen over her desk, was writing something dated 12/16. The penman ship got worse and I think she passed then. It was 12/19  at abou 6 pm when we found her. 

I have not talked about my relationship with my mom very much here.  I will now though.  Its gonna take time to heal.  The last time I spoke to her was after the election, before Thanksgiving. We had another big fight.  I told her not to call me until she decided that I could take her to the doctor.  She refused to go, and I knew that she was not well.  I feel awful.

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Back

I have not been very good about hanging out here.  I have been very frustrated at work, trying to negotiate a new contract and they refuse to pay me anymore than the lowest paid male executive staff member.  I am the only female, with a department that is much more critical that several other male headed departments.  But they keep saying, I can’t make more than Bob (named changed), with no rational reason.  Anyhow needless to say I am pissed.  So the lowest paid executive staff member and the only female, I hear discrimination, don’t you?

In other news I have basically kept the 5 pounds off that I lost, but am struggling to get anymore off.  Its my own fault, my anger and frustration leads me to periods of apathy about the diet then I regret my food choices. 

On a brighter note I did get a very nice nod from my all time favorite blog, because it makes me laugh every single day, Dennis the ViszlaDennis’s dadda is a talented writer and he is so creative with Dennis’s misadventures. these days its my first hit because I need that smile it provides!

cuppa

So I am trying to look forward to the Holidays, but I have so many issues right now.  My current dilemma is that one of my closest friends is here in Long beach for the week at the big dog show.  She now breeds and shows dogs.  She did not do this when i met her and we became friends, almost 20 years ago.  This started about 8 years ago after I moved away.  My issue is that I am against everything about these dog shows and breeding dogs.  And I have been to many of them when she travels here to Southern California to see her. I hate it, I hate seeing these people who breed dogs just to get that one perfect puppy, when there are so many unwanted dogs being euthanized everyday.  But I have a hard time telling her this.  That I want to see her, but I don’t want to go to the show and see all these people, and I think what she is doing is wrong.

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Is it True

Kcal 9 the local TV station here had this item on divorce that recommended an on-line test to determine if you were headed there.  I took the test it said I had a 3-4 % chance based on my circumstances. What the hell happened. Was I that awful?

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