Archive for the ‘family’ Category

9 years ago


2006 was not a good year for me.  All kinds of bad things happened.  In the first week of January my husband left me for another woman.  Then Natalie was hospitalized in chronic rejection and infection of her new lungs.  She died on Feb 1.  It was a rough time at work, but to top it off on Labor day I broke up a scuffle with puppy Daisy, she was a bout a year old, and Sprocket. I was bit by Sprocket, accident.  The bone was nicked, and I ended up with a bone infection, in the hospital for 10 days then 3 months of intravenous antibiotics.  Needless to say I was glad when that year was over.

Fast forward to today.  Its Super Bowl Sunday,  I never watch. I had coffee with Dianne and then ran a few errands and paid bills.  I thought I needed to write, to just remember to be grateful today for what I think will be a good year. I have a retreat planned in July, and hope to do the leaf peeping tour of Vermont in October.  I have learned to let go of things I can’t control, sort of.

And last year which was a good year.  Work was ok, we took a nice trip to the San Juan Islands in Washington, I traveled to the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains several times to visit an old friend.  I taught chair yoga to cancer patients, and continued my yoga and ayurveda studies.

But time goes by so fast. Daisy is getting older, she is 10 now, Roscoe is also showing his age at 13, and I too am getting older even though I really don’t feel older.

So I look forward to this year, I have learned that it can always be worse.


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Cross your fingers

Well he is home.  Arrived with not a single piece of clean clothing!  That was amazing!  I didn’t ask if what he was wearing was clean that morning, I didn’t want to know!  We did lots of laundry and hung out, its back to the two of us for a couple months now. Nice.  I have goals and projects for him this summer, I hope he can accomplish some of them.  One is getting his drivers license, taking a class, getting a job.  Cross your fingers.

I have decided I like my job, I like my staff, I like many of the people here. I just hate and have no respect for my boss and some of the other executive staff (of which I am one).  There fore I am trying to be more positive, I guess.  So if I do my job, and quit trying to aspire to more, then I should be ok. 

Motivation.  I have a problem with it. Not sure how to get it going.  There are so many things I want to do, but for some reason I can’t get it going.  Things around the house, personal goals, like losing 20 pounds, routine things like getting my butt out of bed earlier on the weekends and going for a walk, Any suggestions? 

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Long Weekend

Well its the middle of a long weekend. It started with quite a severe rain, thunder, hail storm on Thursday afternoon. It was severe enough to cause the mud to slide on the hills where the fire swept though and to evacuate several homes. Fortunatley there was no structural damage but yards and pools and jacuszzis are now full of mud.  Roads were even closed for a while as they did clean up.  It rained Friday and has been partly cloudy since.  My home is safe.

Friday as I was driving back from Sprockets acupunture appointment in the pouring rain my “check engine” light came on!  I got a bit panicked as the last thing I need right now is a big expense to fix the car.  I was able to get it in on Saturday, and it was the catalytic converter.  Fortunately it was covered under warranty, which I didn’t understand since the car is 5 years old with 61,000 miles on it.  But I didn’t questions it at all, and paid the $110 for the minor service and hapily went home.

I finally got a hold of Jake yesterday, and guess what he is flying home today.  Good thing we spoke, since I need to pick him up from the airport, as I was thinking, since the car is in good shape, about taking a little Sunday drive somewhere for a bit of an adventure.  So now my Sunday Drive is the Burbank airport.  So the teenager is home for the summer. Hopefully this summer he will find a job. 

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Ok, so I am a closet AI fan.  Over the years occasionally I sucked into a season when I like the contestants. For some reason this year is one of those years, maybe because I liked the contestants or maybe becuase Candice was often over the nights the show is on, so we watched. In any case last night rocked (does that make me sound younger).  I was a big fan of David Cook, but last night I switched to Acheleta.  He is just so amazing for his young age.  Go little “D”!

By the way, I have never voted, not even once.

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A few weeks ago I planted some nasturtiums from seeds.  I planted all along one side of the yard where the grass has not grown in and the dogs tend to stay away from. Well they are now about one inch high!  I was actually a bit surprised when they poked their little green heads up through the soil.  Nasturtiums are fairly hardy and so I figured if they came up they would probably survive. Hopefully they will take over that whole area so it won’t look so bare.


They also bring back so many memories of my grandmother.  She was such a gardener; she had fruit trees, vegetables and flowers everywhere.  We grew up with tomatoes and zucchini, swiss chard and corn.  I learned about flowers and plants as a young girl, and I remember the day she pulled a leaf off of one of the nasturtium plants and popped it into her mouth and told me they were edible.  I don’t think I will ever get that ambitious, but it has inspired me.  


My goal is to post at least 3 times a week now here at my new home.  I hope that you read more often and comment to.  I love hearing from you all.  Also go say hi to Yvonne and Amy, they are both going through some tough times and could use a hug.


The picture is of my babies when they grow up.  I hope they do that well!

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Pathetic Again

OK so I am feeling pathetic once again. I believe the last time I mentioned this was right after Nat died. I have been wanting to post. I have been writing posts in my mind. Sort of like blogging daydreams. But have not put it into real word on the screen for some reason. Maybe I am afraid of what I will read. I am supposed to be OK now. Its been a year and a half since Nat Died, my husband left me, my divorce is final, as of May 21st, I have boyfriend, a house a job. So what is wrong?

I think I might be depressed. I am gaining weight, eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too much. I have a list of things I need to do and no motivation. For a few weeks it was to hot to do anything, and I have been financially challenged. But things are better now. Weather is nice, my bank account is not double digits, I could plant my flower boxes and the pots on the patio, there is lots to be done.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t want to do anything. I am sad, lonely, disappointed, I want to sleep all the time. I need some motivation, some friends, some purpose.

Jake is back at school, Candice is too busy now to spend any time with me. For the last 10 years I took care of everyone, my kids my husband. Made their lives better. Now they are all gone, and my life sucks. I don’t have anyone to take care of, no one to talk to , to cook for, to yell at, to remind to take their medicines, to pick up after, its just me and the pooches. Just me.

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Heat Wave

Well the weather finally turnind to summer. I have been putting the air on every day, but so far have been able to turn it off at night. Soon that will be history too. Tomorrow is the 4th of July. Since I don’t consider myslef very patriotic I won’t post an entry about the US of A, but I will say that we really need to do something about all those young men who are losing thier lives over in the middle east. They need to come home and be with thier families now.

I have been really emotional I will chalk it up to PMS and the seven little dwarfs. I found out yesterday that my two darling children (yes that was said sacastically) are going to have dinner tonight with my ex and his “family”. WTF! Since when should they be socializing with the enemy! It upsets me to no end. Bite my tongue!

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Busy Weekend?

So it seems like it was, although I really did not accomplish the things that I set out to do. I even made a list of all the projects in order of cost, the low cost stuff, like finishing unpacking the last room, medium cost stuff like new bedding to match my yellow walls, and high cost stuff like getting a new roof.

I did however take Jake to the DMV so he could flunk the test to renew his permit, got my first estimate for the new roof, got my hair done, went to the farmers market, grocery shopped for my mother, and cooked fathers day birthday dinner last night for 8.

The menu consisted of Tri-Tip marinated in red wine, rosemary and garlic, which I promptly overcooked! Cheesy mashed potatoes, green beans, cucumber, curylypepper, onion and tomato salad. This is an incredibly delicious concoction that one of the vendors at the farmers market always has to taste when his veggies are ready. You just combine all the aforementioned veggies and kosher salt, pepper and lemon juice. One of my summertime favorites.

I also watched the movie “The Band Played On”, on Saturday night. I was solo.

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The gangs all here!

The weekend is upon us. I am looking forward to this evening as both my kids will be here for dinner. Jake is home for the summer and will be home tonight, and Candice will be over at 6. I am making steaks on the grille, simple, but yummy. I also have a movie for us, it should be fun.

Candice is so busy these days working several jobs and going to school. I am most proud of what she is doing now. She has got an apprenticeship as an assistant stylist for a big magazine that is geared to the teen set. If it helps you to guess we were reading it when we were kids! She changed her major (again) to fashion merchandising/marketing, and should be done with her BA in about a year and a half if she goes part time.

Of course my dogs are here too. So it will be a lovely relaxing happy time.

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Last night I had a bit of a revelation. Yea, sounds pretty stupid, but I realized I might be lonely. Duh? Jake has been home now for a couple weeks, on summer break. So I have been cooking more and had someone around. Last night I got home started some dinner, made a drink and went out to sit on the patio to throw the ball for Daisy and Jake came out to sit and talk. It was nice, someone to share the day with, hang out, cook dinner for. I thought to myself maybe I am just lonely sometimes. Having a partner does have its benefits I suppose.

Relationships are complicated. Last week finally got a letter in the mail that told me my divorce was final, as of May 21, 2007. When I opened it, thinking it was yet another bill from the attorney, I was shocked to read the legal filing of disillusionment. In a way I was sad, I didn’t tell anyone that. Everyone seemed so happy for me. But in a way it was also a sad day. It meant I failed as a wife. It meant I was single at the age of 47. It meant that I was closer to being alone at retirement than I wanted to think about. I think my mouth dropped open when I read the letter, and I think I still am in shock about the whole thing, perhaps I think I am living in some fog.

I love D, and we see each other on the weekends, and I think I would like to have someone around more, but maybe not full time. I think that I do not want to marry again, not that it has been ever discussed.

BTW the pic has nothing to do with the post.

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