Archive for the ‘finger’ Category


Somedays I just want to cry.  I don’t even know why, whats going on in my head but I feel sad.  Lately this has been happening alot, I think that it is part of the reason I can’t get motivated.  I will think about Natalie, and my divorce, bear my wonder lab who has been gone for 7 years, almost any thing will suck me into this place of despair.  Then I worry, I worry about any animal I see that isn’t being properly cared for, I worry about the animals in the shelters, the baby birds that fall out of their nests,  then the polar bears and the penguins.  Should I go on?  I even worry about my dogs if something were to happen to me.  And I want to cry but alot of times the tears don’t come, or I am afraid if they do that they will never ever stop. 

Lately I have been having dreams, almost every night about my ex-husband.  In the dreams I am always trying to get him to come back to me.  He never does, sometimes I have to wake myself up just to stop the pain, the sadness, the desperation that I have in the dream. The problem is when I wake up its still there.  I keep telling myself I am happy, that I am lucky, that everything is fine.  People ask me why would you want that man back? he was awful to you!  I guess because loneliness is almost as bad.   He would never come back anyway.  He left me emotionally  a long time before he actually left.  He is gone forever.  It is best. I need to pick myself up and get on with my life.

I scheduled my surgery for August 7.  Keep your fingers crossed. No pun intended.

Read Full Post »

To Do

I just realized that I have not put up pictures of the newly painted room. Oops!  It is probably because now that the weather is so warm I hardly go into that room since it does not have an air conditioning vent.  So my office newly painted with a new computer desk and file, has not been organized. its on the to-do list.

Speaking of to-do.  I have been putting off having a fourth surgery on my finger now for months.  If you remember back in September of 2006  when I accidentally was bit by the dog and got a bone infection. The story continues into October if you are so inclined. In any case I was left with a crooked finger because a piece of bone was removed because of the infection.  My doc wants to straighten the finger back out by cutting of a piece on the other side which will make my finger straight once again.  however it is about a 6 month recovery with pins sticking out of the end of my finger during that time. So as you might imagine, I have been in no rush to do this. 

Not only will I have to have surgery (outpatient) but the pain is quite bad for a while. So I will miss some work, maybe a week, and be one handed for 6 weeks. The idea was that I would do the surgery this summer for 2 reasons. My doc is about to retire and he is the only one I trust after the fiasco I went though (see Sept -Oct archives), and Jake will be home so that I have some help for my one handed self.  So my appointment is Wednesday, and I will be asking him to finally schedule the surgery.  I’m scared. 

The distal interphalangeal joint is what will be evened out. Right now that joint is frozen straight, and will be forever, but at least it won’t be crooked. So when I type and hit the letter A it actually hits S, etc for every key that is supposed to be hit with that finger.  Makes me very happy there is spell check.

Read Full Post »

Today is Monday

So I had my surgery, and today they took the cast off. I now have 2 metal pins protruding from the tip of my finger. Really Gross. Candice took me to the docs, and told me not to look at my finger, becuase it was too gross, so I didn’t. But I managed to see the metal out of the corner of my eye.

I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It really grosses me out. I thought I might try to talk about something else for a change. Although for the lasr few weeks I have done nothing. Felt sorry for myself, no writing, nothing around the house, just watched TV and slept. I didn’t feel like doing anything else, but I feel as if I should have been doing things. But nothing.

Sprocket was sick again today. This time bloody diareah. I got him to the vet, and $450 later it is probably an ulcer frpom all the pain meds he is on for his arthritis. Thank god. I was worried it would be some horrible cancer or something!

So he is on a bland diet. And some different meds

Read Full Post »

more surgery

saw the doc today. the “good” one, Ha! he is the hand surgeon. apparently i have to have about a half inch of dead bone cut out and a pin put in my finger. the healing is going slowly and they think it is becuase of 2 things. one the fact that the dead bone does not have any blood flow and thus the antibiotic is not getting to the infection and the fact my finger isnt mobilized. so back into the hospital on thursady. fortunatly i can come home the same day if there are not any complications.

the north koreans, kim jong il, is fucking crazy!

Read Full Post »


ok. so last wednesday the docs put me back into the hospital, i had more surgery on my finger. the infection had not cleared ans was quite awful. aat this point the problem is no longer from sprocket biting me, it is from doctors not treating the infectio agressively after surgery. so i spent 6 days in the hospital and am now home on IV antibiotics for 6 friggin weeks!!!

i definately will not be able to go into the office for a couple weeks. they are sending a nurse to the house everyday to change my dressing and look at the PICC line, which i am gettin antibiotics in. i change th iv bag daily and the pump measures the dosage and infuses the stuff. wonders of modern medicine.

so other than being, exhausted, in pain, depressed and snarky, life is ok. i suppose.

Read Full Post »

more drama

Ok, so here is the new scoop on my hand. Yesterday was my follow up appointment. Stitches out, life back to semi normal hopefully; poked it with a needle lots of pus and fluids come out, which later made it actually feel better.

Of course nothing goes as planned! The doc looks at my finger, calls in the hand guy (whom he has been consulting with all along). Don’t like the look of it, more surgery tomorrow, plan on staying in the hospital at least until Thursday.

So ok; I call Candice, make arrangements for the dogs, house work etc. You know the whole thing. I get dropped off this morning at 830 am for a 5 or later surgery, supposed to get IV antibiotics. the doc looks at it this morning, wow, it looks better. I agree and remind him there is still considerable pain, but it has improved since he drained the wound again. He says lets get the hand guy to look at it maybe you don’t need surgery. But the hand guy is in surgery. So I wait, they decide no surgery, come back tomorrow for an appointment with the hand guy, who I ad actually been seeing every time I went in, just not formally. He will decide if I need surgery, and if I do he will do it on Thursday.

So this has been an ordeal, 2 weeks ago today is when it all started. Sprocket seems to be ok with all this. what a dog.

Read Full Post »

If wishes were fishes

So I went to the docs yesterday and he took the big bandage off, and only just my finger is wrapped now. He also pulled out the packing from the incisions which hurt like hell! But wrapped only the one finger back up, which allows me much more mobility, but the pain, is still bad; but he did give me meds to stop the nausea, Which is a good thing.

Andy has been in my dreams every night. Not bad dreams but not good either. They have been about me wanting to reconcile. Upsetting dreams, making me wonder about my life. I just wish that this was either all over or not happening at all. That is my wish. I guess my other wish would be that wishes could come true.

Read Full Post »

kaiser casualty

ok first of all i am typing this with one finger and one hand, so there will be lots of typos. long story but the short version. tues night i broke up a spat between sprocket and daisy. got several puncture wounds on my left hand which bled alot. it was late, about 11 and i did not want to go to th er at Kaiser, my health care provider, in LA ABOUT A 30 MINUT DRIVE. WENT TO WORK WEDS AM, CALLED AND MADE AN APPT WITH A DOC AT 2:30.

BY 10 AM I WAS IN such pain (sorry about the caps) that my assistant B (who is also a dear friend) took me to the er. possible fracture on my ring finger in the joint, probable infection. antibiotics and pain meds, and come back in 2 days for a recheck. they would refer me to ortho etc. the er doc also lectured me on how big a deal this was. dog bite and all. i think so that i would be sure to return.

i made a follow up for friday, 2 days later with my doc at 9:30 am. fortunatly d was able to drive me. my doc immediately refered my to ortho downtown to be checked, she did not like the look of my finger. we drove into la for an 11 am appt with the ortho. he saw my funger and said needs to be opened up an drained, i need to be on iv antibiotics immediately and i will be admitted to the hospital until sunday.

so with this in mind, i proceed to sit in the orthopedic waiting room while they supposedly find a bed for me in the hospital, which is across thee street. i ask them how long will it be, v5 hours latercan i go home and come back? they dont know, and i cant leave beacuse i might eat or drink. i proceed to remind them that i am a grown adult, and if i know i am hving surgery in a few hours why would i compromise my own well being? i needed to get the dogs to a kennel because i hd no one to take care of them, and of course i couldnt get a hold of my kid. i am gettin really pissed, in alot of pain, and i cant eat or drink so i cant take pain medicaution. finally at almost 5 pm, when the doc said i was going to have surgery they send me to the er. because they still have no beds. in the er, they have no bed either, so i sit on a gurnet in the hall with D trying to keep me from totally losing it. craccking silly jokes, and threatening to sing if i get out of control (remember, he is deaf, and cant sing). anyway they fibnally put me in a oom start an IV give me something for pain and some IV antibiotics. my surgey happens about 8 pm friday night.

D stays until i am put in a room. thank god i was not alone i probably would have completely lost it. at least the night nurse was kind. the only positive thing i can say about that experience. she kept me comfortable with medication and pillows proping up my arm. i came home yesterday, so only one night in th hospital. but in retrospect i should have stayed in. i was so sick i threw eberything up, including the antibiotics and pain meds. d and the brat, who after yesterday i wont call a brat anymore, he was really sweet. he is now known as the kid. they stayed with me until almost 10 pm. were going to spend the night but didnt have all of the kids night time meds, his lantus, long acting insulin. i made it through the night. woke up feeling better and it seems as long as i get something in my stomach with the pills the nausea stays in check.

go back to the docs on tuesday for a recheck. he apparenly opened the wound and packed it so it would drain. not sure what he will be doing on tuesday, probably taking the packing out which sounds painful.

so here i am laying in bed with the dogs, diasy on the florr the little ones snuggled up. typing with one hand and feeling sorry for myself. if anyone knows if blogger has a spell check i would love to know, as you can see the next few posts will probably be in a messy format as one handed typing is ackward.

Read Full Post »