Archive for the ‘Natalie’ Category

altar daisy

It has almost been 2 years since I last posted here.  I never meant to be away so long.  Today I decided to do a short update, life has been sad.  I lost my heart, my sweet Daisy to hemangiosarcoma on June 12th.  She had her spleen removed in October of ’16, and they said maybe 3-6 months.  She made it almost 8.  I thought she would live forever. The house has changed without her here. So much quieter.  Roscoe is 16, almost 17 and Mouse is older too.  Life seems almost suspended.

We just made it through an 8 day heat wave of over 100 degree temperatures, I thought I was going to melt for sure.  Yesterday it was 92, I never thought I would be happy for 90 degree weather.  My electric bill is going to be epic.

Roscoe had a bout with Canine Vestibular Syndrome, I thought I was losing him too, but he seems to be bouncing back.  He is still not back to his old self, but at least he can now walk.

It seems a little pointless to recount the last two years in terms of catching up.  Life has been the same, with its ups and downs.  Perhaps a more frequent check in here is a good idea, after all this blog really is for me to document things so I can remember what happen. Anyone who joins me is welcome and along for the ride.


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9 years ago


2006 was not a good year for me.  All kinds of bad things happened.  In the first week of January my husband left me for another woman.  Then Natalie was hospitalized in chronic rejection and infection of her new lungs.  She died on Feb 1.  It was a rough time at work, but to top it off on Labor day I broke up a scuffle with puppy Daisy, she was a bout a year old, and Sprocket. I was bit by Sprocket, accident.  The bone was nicked, and I ended up with a bone infection, in the hospital for 10 days then 3 months of intravenous antibiotics.  Needless to say I was glad when that year was over.

Fast forward to today.  Its Super Bowl Sunday,  I never watch. I had coffee with Dianne and then ran a few errands and paid bills.  I thought I needed to write, to just remember to be grateful today for what I think will be a good year. I have a retreat planned in July, and hope to do the leaf peeping tour of Vermont in October.  I have learned to let go of things I can’t control, sort of.

And last year which was a good year.  Work was ok, we took a nice trip to the San Juan Islands in Washington, I traveled to the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains several times to visit an old friend.  I taught chair yoga to cancer patients, and continued my yoga and ayurveda studies.

But time goes by so fast. Daisy is getting older, she is 10 now, Roscoe is also showing his age at 13, and I too am getting older even though I really don’t feel older.

So I look forward to this year, I have learned that it can always be worse.


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Well this morning low and behold I found my pedometer once again. This is the second time I have lost then found it.  I think its an omen, which is good since I am starting walking during lunch today! 

My eating the last 2 days hasn’t been great but its been pretty good. I am bound and determined that by March 1 I will see a difference on that scale.  Tonight I have a yoga class too. 

I made it through yesterday.  I went to the cemetery for the first time in 5 years.  It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

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Wordy Wednesday

A very sleepy friend.

Ok, so I am violating the wordless Wednesday thing. But I need to just type (talk). So here it goes.  Work is getting so crappy that I need to focus on what makes me happy.

My dogs do that.  Now that I am living alone again, they greet me at the end of the day.  There is Sprocket, the old man, who is partially blind and deaf, who often leaves me a little present to clean up when I get home. The other two, spend the afternoon outside.  But I love Sprock, he was my first small dog. I rescued him. He was dumped up in a canyon (where people often dump dogs) and left to fend for himself. When he was found he almost had no hair from flea allergies, ticks and more.  He was my new baby!

Now years later, S-man as we call him affectionately,  likes to spend less than an hour a day outside. That’s ok, he has a nice bed with a heating pad to sleep in when he wants to, he has a raised bowl for food and water so he doesn’t have to strain, he has horrible arthritis in his back.  He is the Super dog. I love him even though he caused some problems, which resulted in 3 finger surgeries (for me).

Roscoe!  The barker.  He is my little guy.  Loves me, follows me wants treats and to snuggle alot. There have been problems with his vocalness with one snarky neighbor, but we have sorta resolved it.  Not happily.  Roscoe was running lose and was found by me as I saved him from being run over by an 18 wheeler.  He was a gift to us. Natalie and I rescued him 2 days before Christmas in 2002. A good deed. He came to us with no manners or knowledge of treats and love. Well now he knows.

And Daisy, she always wants to play ball when I get home. She is pretty obsessive about it. But she is here because Natalie asked for her to be.  So somehow she is a gift. I have done more to help her be a good dog citizen than I even thought I would.  She reminds me of Natalie all the time. She pushes me, the limit and always wants more. Just like Nat. 

So when I get home I play ball, water plants, cook for and feed dogs, and it gives me peace. Thank God.  

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Happy Thoughts

Hey mom! Let sprock in!

Having a bad day.  It’s work.  There are some underhanded, unethical things going on and not much I can do about it, if I say something they will make my life miserable, or worse.  So I need to turn the other cheek, and think about happy things. 

I am also sad about Duck.  It’s amazing how we meet in the blogsphere, hear stories about relationships, learn to care about people, then they are gone. You have never met them, but when they leave it breaks your heart. 

I spent alot of time at one point on various blogs about cancer survivors, and one I found about a guy with ALS.  I started reading his right about the time he was diagnosed, in early 2004.  I think reading about others stuggle with their illness, helped put my struggle, with Natalie, in perspective.  In the last few months I have been back to these blogs, and discovered that both the bloggers had died.  It hit me so hard.  I had stopped reading them much after Natalies death.  So I wasn’t prepared.

Well, so much for happy thoughts.  Well today is my friday. That’s a happy thought.  And my doggy picture makes me smile! 

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This is a bad month for me. To many anniversary, birthdays, memories of sad things. The 16th was Nats birthday. That morning early maybe 2 or 3 am I dreamt about her. She came over and when she walked in the door I announced Nats here and went to her and gave her a big hug. The time before when I dreamt about her I woke myself up because I was scared. In my dream the phone was ringing, and as usual I let the answer machine pick up to screen. It was Natalie, she started to talk, and I started to panic. I woke myself up before I could pick up the phone. I was afraid to speak to her.

So for her birthday I made her favorite dish, Chicken Paprika. She loved it and I hardly ever made it because the ex was lactose intolerant and it needs sour cream. So I did it for her birthday and scooped out some for him before I added the sour cream. So I made it Wednesday with lots of sour cream and noodles. It was good. and the cooking was more healing than sad.

Candice and I finally spoke, she is coming over tonight so we can talk. She wants me to make up with Billy but I am not sure that I want to do any more than say I am sorry. I still think all those thing I said, I just wont say them any more.

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Gobble Gobble

Well the final count for thanksgiving was 19. I had a 27 pound bird. It was too much, but the school of thought ranges from 1 pound per person to 1 ½ pounds per person, even thought I had 2 vegetarians, I had 6 20 something and teenage boys who eat like there is no tomorrow, so I didn’t want to be running out of turkey.

It was more than enough; I had lots of leftovers for the next night and still have too much in my fridge. I will either have to throw it away or freeze what I can.

I am back at the office after a week off that was really nice. At least with Jake home I actually did stuff, and didn’t sleep all day. I accomplished enough during the week, including cooking for the mob, to feel like the rest I did get was warranted.

Been thinking about Nat a lot. Tonight the wind was blowing outside; when she was little she used to be afraid of the wind. If the windows or sliding glass was open while it was winding, as she called it, she wanted it closed and would close them. During the summer months in Tahoe it drove me nuts, but it’s winding Aunt Ann.

There were some very severe wind storms that would knock out power and trees that really frightened her. It lasted until she was an adult, and still unconsciously would shut the windows when the wind started blowing.

So goes the holidays. They will only get worse, Barbara’s birthday the 9th, then the holidays, Barbara’s death date 1/2, Nats 2/1. Not to mention all the holly and ivy in between.

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