Back to the Grind

Gee.  It’s hard to get back to working 11 hour days after having 11 days off.  I am wiped out.  So much for my resolutions and reflections.  I guess my immediate resolution is to get through the week so I can write my resolutions this weekend.

Reflections and Resolutions

I spent way to much time on line today dealing with my new volunteering as webmaster and technical person for my girlfriends local animal rescue.  She recently received 501(c)3 status ans I have been “pimping her blog” via facebook and Daisy’s blog.  Trying to get her some traffic and donations and maybe a few foster homes.  If you are interested go read Daisy’s blog as I highlighted it today. 

I have decided over the next few days I want to make some resolutions and also reflect on the last 10 years.  I have been blogging for almost the full 10 years, starting in 2001. it amazing sometimes when I am trying to remember a specific event or issue and can’t I will read the archives until I find it.  Which makes it even more important to me to continue to write frequently. I turn 50 this month and haven’t decided to freak out or anything, but realize it is a significant turning point in my life.  Or maybe I want it to be.

I have been off work since Christmas eve, thinking I would have time for all things, but instead I have been busy with nothing.  Well not nothing, but things I had not anticipated.  I feel good about what I got done during the holiday, but also wish I had done more. I made a list of things and have one more day to finish crossing off the items.  Tomorrow is a Holiday since I normally have Fridays off.  Silly isn’t it. Back to work Tuesday.

 I am hoping for a bit more structure, discipline and moderation in my life.  These will be some of my resolutions I think.  I am not in any hurry to just jot them down, because I want them to stick, to last, to be things I do the rest of my life.

I did buy myself a new camera with this cool panorama shoot function and am loving it. 

Happy New Year to all.

Holiday Recap

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was nice.  Christmas Eve the kids bring a few friends, and D and his son M  (aka in older posts as the brat, however he has grown up enough that isn’t the case anymore) come over. We had a total of  9 people. I made Fideo, enchiladas, chile verde and salad along with various appetizers.  Large amounts of Champagne were consumed and a tradition that was started when I moved to this new house, and started my new Chapter in my life, is that we put together a puzzle Christmas Eve.

Last year we didn’t finish it until a few days later, but this year that was not to be. We had some die hard puzzlers, and I think the ones who drank the least amount of Champagne got the most pieces together.

There were also some goodies.  I ate one, which was enough. Everything in moderation right?

Christmas morning D and his son come over for breakfast and to open presents. I had to get jake out of bed at 10, Candice always shows up late so we don’t hold breakfast for her. This year her “I promise I will be there at 11″  was 12 noon.  I made sausage and eggs and pancakes. I cooked 30 sausages (boys eat alot) and there were 4 left for Candice, and the boys decided that if she wasn’t there by 11:30 that everyone got to eat one. Well yes we all got the extra sausage.

Presents were opened and D and M left for his moms.  The kids and I hung out and about 3 i started Christmas Dinner.  My Uncle John came over and so did Candice’s roommate.  So there were 5 for dinner.  Prime rib, brussels spouts, roasted carrots and mashed potatoes and creamy horseradish sauce.

I got jammies, slippers, a gift card for Nordstroms, a french press, some little kick knacks and a calendar. The best present was a generous donation to “Best Friends” from D. 

I took the week off between Christmas and New Years.  Yesterday was a veg day, recovery form all the shopping and cooking for the holidays.  I also took a long nap.  I hurt my back lifting Daisy onto the bed Christmas Eve Night and it’s still bothering me.  I took a walk yesterday with Daisy, standing up its not to bad its when I try and bend over.

 Today I have to go buy cat food, and maybe hit the grocery store.  I pulled out my knitting and needlepoint yesterday. I have a scarf that needs finishing, but I made such a bad mistake on it I can’t figue out how to fix it. So I will have to go to the kitting shop and ask for help. 

This Years Tree

I think it needs a few more lights along the  bottom area, but it will do for this year.

Almost

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my mother’s death.  The certificate says 12/19, but at her desk, where I found her, she was in the middle of writing something dated 12/16, so I know that was when she died. 

I was really cold last year this time, I remember it being freezing the night I went to the house. I got there about 5 and did not bring a coat, and was there until after 10 pm.  I ran the heat in my car and waited for the funeral home to come and get her. Finally the police said that they would stay and I should go home and they would call me when they picked her up. 

I went home and made a very big stiff drink, numbing further my already numb from cold and shock self.

Greek Salad

No this is not a picture of a Greek Salad, its Daisy and T the dog walkers dog.  Daisy loves T, but often gets a bit excited when he is around.

I am sitting in my office at lunch eating a Greek Salad, with some chicken kebab.  I have been trying since August to lose 20 pounds.  I lost 10, but I gained a couple back over the Thanksgiving food orgy.  So now I have 12 to lose.  I wanted to do all this for my birthday in January, I don’t think its gonna happen. But maybe if I could at least get a bit closer to my goal I would be content.  I never struggled with my weight until the last 7 years or so. I know it’s partly age, but it’s also partly other things, I enjoy food more than I used to.

I bought myself a new camera as a Christmas present.  It is a Olympus Stylus 9000  point and shoot with a zoom.  I am planning on trying to blog more, and if words escape me maybe a picture or two will help that.  The camera is still in the box, I will get it out this weekend and wrap the empty box and put that under the tree.  I think buying myself presents is a good thing. My kids are too broke to do much, not that I really care, if I want something and can afford it I just get it. I really don’t want them to spend on me, they need the money for other things.

Yes, that is 2 posts in a row. Surprised?  Me too. Maybe I am starting a trend.

It’s been awhile

It rained this past weekend. A dark, wet, stormy weekend. I loved it. I love the rain. It put me in the mood to do my Christmas shopping and write my Christmas cards.  Friday before the rain started I did almost all my shopping, and between Saturday and Sunday morning I did all my Christmas cards.   Last year I didn’t send very many cards because of my moms death. It’s going to be one year soon.  I can hardly believe it.

I am looking forward to the new Year.  I think I am going to make some resolutions and keep them for a change.  It is a pivotal year for me. I will turn 50. 

Thanksgiving was hard this year. Jacob decided to go to the ex-husbands.  I could go into a tirade about it, but I won’t.  I have managed after many tears, and discussions with friends and Candice to let it go.  Well almost let it go.  I have a hard time with that too. Letting go.

During the month of November I followed Mage’s blog, actually I follow it always but November was a story. After reading about her life and hardships and knowing who she is now really hit me, really made me think about alot of things.  Helped me not look back so much and try to look forward, whcich I have a hard time doing.  Thank you.

Bones

Well my 8 year blogaversary came and went, and I never did get the archives up from the first few years. The actual day is October 15th. I read the post and it is actually a couple of letters I wrote to the Humane Society about a stray that had been dumped near my office back in 1997 and I took there and was paying to board until he was adopted. He was there 3 months, and finally someone took him. I named him Bones, because he was so skinny. We had 3 large dogs at home then, so another wasn’t really an option.

I have avoided blogging because I was afraid it would jinx the sale of my moms house if I started to write about it. There were problems, but not with the buyers. The neighbor started harassing the buyers who were doing some repairs on the property that the lender required, and we were afraid they would pull out. I was on pins and needles for about 2 weeks. But escrow closed yesterday and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I have been missing Natalie alot, and thinking about her, and things.

I don’t remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you’d always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you’re nowhere to be found

I don’t know what happens when people die
Can’t seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It’s like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can’t sing
I can’t help listening
And I can’t help feeling stupid standing ’round
Crying as they ease you down
‘Cause I know that you’d rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away..

jackson browne

At the End of the Day

When I got home last night from work I just felt lonely.  Some nights I enjoy being alone, actually look forward to it, but not last night.  Last night I wanted some company, but I didn’t have any, so I watered the lawn, and made the dogs dinner, fed the cats and scooped their dirt box, I heated up some dinner and opened some wine and watched TV.  But it was lonely.  I craved some small talk, and so I talked to the dogs. 

One way conversation?

I always say I will never marry again, that my weekly date with D is enough these days, but I am starting to think maybe it isn’t.  I have lived alone the majority of my adult life, being married for only 7 years, and the kids were with me for only 12 before they were off to college.  So you would think I would be used to it. I am but I think it is starting to get a bit old.

I have my friends here on my blog, and I read about the fullness of your lives and your creativity and I feel like I need to do something more.  I am just not clear what that more is right now.

I so enjoyed Anne’s entry  today.  It reminded me of why I blog.  I started in October of 2001, right after my dog Bear died and 9/11.  I think I needed a place to go.  I started as My Meadow, then after my husband left me I moved to blogger and Black and White and Read all over, but that wasn’t a good space for me, and so when I moved after the divorce I finally came home to my Canyon Cottage and it feels right.  I still have not converted all my archives from that first blog.  Perhaps that will be a project to do before my 8^th blogaversary which is coming up soon.

Random Thoughts

For some reason my mind has not been able to “calm” itself, and I have been whirring like a machine these last few weeks.  Part of it was the fires I think,  there were a few days where I thought I might evacuate.  And the smell, constant, ash everywhere, it was disconcerting and stressful.   Some nights I would wake up and the smoke was so strong I would have to shut the windows, it was like the fire was next door.  Also the people we had been helping that I wrote about in my last post finally got to go home last weekend, they were evacuated for over 2 weeks.  I constantly worried about them and their pets.  The fire is not out, it is 91% contained as of today, but there is no smoke plume anymore and the air no longer smells of smoke, a constant reminder of the fire.  I finally slept a full night Sunday.

I put my moms house on the market last week too.  It sold in 5 days with multiple offers. We are in escrow now, once that closes the house I grew up in will belong to someone else.  I could never go back there, I hated going there to deal with clearing out moms things. I think I will be glad once this is done too.  Too many things to think about, this will be one less.

Cosmo's

I had alot of pots on the patio with flowers, but when the fires started the air was so bad and the heat, the days were over 100 for over a week, that I neglected to water them.  So they all died.  I need to replant them all. With fall around the corner I thought I would put in some mums.  They do well in pots and will provide some color for the patio.  This weekend that will be a little project.  Hopefully it won’t be too hot.  We had a nice cool snap and a few days in the low 80’s and some clouds, but its warming up again.  Fall really won’t  be here until November, and it is my very favorite time of year.